Just IM Me
by GrangerDanger112
Summary: Nessie introduces the wonders of IM to the Cullen household, and everything goes haywire!Bella and Jasper and their little revenge wars, blowing up stuff, and more? All a regular day in the Cullen household when IM enters their lives.
1. Nessie Introduces IM

**I know that there are a ton of these, but I thought that I'd try my hand at it: Cullens on IM!! You should be able to figure out the usernames, I made them pretty generic, but JIC, The first time I type a username, I'll put the person's(or vampire's, really) real name by it.**

Chapter 1: Nessie introduces IM

Halfling2007(Renesmee) – See? Isn't IM fun?

ICanReadYourMind1901(Edward) – …No.

ShieldYou1988(Bella) – I second that.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES(Emmett) – THIS IS SO FUN!!D

Halfling2007 – See? Uncle Emmett's having fun!

ICanReadYourMind1901 – But it's Emmett.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr(Alice) – I have better things to do.

NextMissAmerica(Rosalie) – Like what? Because I refuse another makeover.

ShieldYou1988 – Again-I second that.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Drat.

NextMissAmerica – You've given 10 makeovers this morning, Alice. And it's just noon.

ConfederateSoldierTX(Jasper) – One was on me.

ShieldYou1988 – I've had so many that I'm hiding in a closet right now.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – How are you on here?

ShieldYou1988 – Laptop.

ConfederateSoldierTX – YOU stole my laptop?!

ShieldYou1988 – Yep, and I'm gonna decorate it a little before I give it back.

ConfederateSoldierTX – What did I do to you?

ShieldYou1988 – IDK. I'm your sister, it's my job.

ConfederateSoldierTX – Well then, as your brother, I guess I'll just have to burn your books…

ShieldYou1988 – That's fine. I'll just sick you on Alice.

ConfederateSoldierTX – Let the wars begin. AND THIS TIME THE CONFEDERACY WILL WIN!!

ShieldYou1988 has logged off.

ConfederateSoldierTX has logged off.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – How many of those stupid revenge wars have they had this month?

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – 12, and counting.

-Jasper can be heard screaming in the background.-

NextMissAmerica – What did she do?

ICanReadYourMind1901 – She glued pink feathers to his laptop.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – And you know how scared he is of pink feathers.

NextMissAmerica – -shivers-

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Why did you just type –shivers- instead of actually shivering?

NextMissAmerica – b/c you can't see me actually shiver over the internet.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – I can.

NextMissAmerica – b/c you're sitting right next to me, you idiot!!

-"ESME!! COME GET THE FEATHERS OFF MY LAPTOP!!"Jasper shouted.

"Ugh. What happened now?"Esme trudged into the family room.-

NextMissAmerica – I'm going to go see exactly what happened.

NextMissAmerica has logged off.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – No doubt Jasper's gonna be ticked. Gotta go defend my Bella.

ICanReadYourMind1901 has logged off.

Halfling2007 – Jake's here! G2G!

Halfling2007 has logged off.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – G2G shop!!

ShopaholicGucciLuvr has logged off.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – I'm all alone…

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – No one loves me anymore…

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – LONELYYYYY, I AM SO LONELYYYYY…

ILOVEGRIZZLIES has logged off.


	2. Emmett Sings

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed!!You made my day. And here's your treat – another chapter!!**

Chapter 2 – Revenge Wars and Emmett singing?!

ShieldYou1988 – EDWARD!!JASPER BURNED MY BOOKS!!

ConfederateSoldierTX – HAHA!!The confederacy gets this battle.

ShieldYou1988 – Shut. Up.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – He's still laughing.

ShieldYou1988 has logged off.

ConfederateSoldierTX – Why did she-uh oh. No, Bella, DON'T—

ConfederateSoldierTX has logged off.

-Faint sounds of Jasper getting beat up are heard.-

ShieldYou1988 has logged on.

ShieldYou1988 – That felt good.

ConfederateSoldierTX has logged on.

ConfederateSoldierTX – No it didn't. Now I have to get revenge…

ConfederateSoldierTX has logged off.

ShieldYou1988 – Whatevs. Where's Renesmee?

Halfling2007 – Right here!

ICanReadYourMind190 –Hey Nessie.

ShieldYou1988 – -silently glares at Edward-

ICanReadYourMind1901 – What? I just said…oh. Hey RENESMEE. Happy?

ShieldYou1988 – Extremely.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr has logged on.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!Why is Jazzy coloring all over Bella's writing journal?

ShieldYou1988 – He's WHAT??

ShieldYou1988 has logged off.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr –…I don't think I was supposed to say that…

ILOVEGRIZZLIES has logged on.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Hey hey you you I don't like your girlfriend! No way no way I think you need a new one!!Hey hey you you I could be your girlfriend!!

ShieldYou1988–Uh, Emmett, what are you doing?

ILOVEGRIZZLIES–Singing to Edward.

ShieldYou1988–I'll just leave then.

ShieldYou1988 has logged off.

ICanReadYourMind1901–NO BELLA WHY DID YOU JUST LEAVE ME IN MY TIME OF NEED??WHAT ABOUT OUR VOWS??FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE??...Oh shoot she's already gone.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES–When I grow up I wanna be famous I wanna be a star I wanna be in movies When I grow up I wanna see the world Drive nice cars I wanna have Groupies

ShopaholicGucciLuvr–…And that's my cue to leave. Really Emmett, the Pussycat Dolls?

ShopaholicGucciLuvr has logged off.

ICanReadYourMind1901–NO ALICE I LOVE YOU DON'T LEAVE MEEEEEEEEEE…drat it she's gone too.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES–Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me Dont cha, dont cha Dont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me Dont cha, dont cha

ICanReadYourMind1901–No, Emmett, I don't wish that Bella was…hot like you.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES–Fight the feeling (fight the feeling) Leave it alone (leave it alone)it aint love It just aint enough to leave a happy home Let's keep it friendly (let's keep it friendly) You have to play fair (you have to play fair) See, I dont care But I know she aint gon' wanna share

ICanReadYourMind1901–Emmett, I'll have you know that I'm straight.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES–I know I'm on your mind I know we'll have a good time I'm your friendI'm fun And I'm fine I aint lying Look at me, you aint blind

ICanReadYourMind1901–FIRST You're always on my mind b/c I can READ your mind. SECOND We never have a good time it always results in fireworks(literally). THIRD yes you're my friend b/c you're my brother. FOURTH you're not fun see above. FIFTH you're not fine you're singing Don't Cha!! SIXTH you can't lie Emmett, you're worse than Bella. SEVENTH I'm blind from looking at you. EIGHTH I'M STRAIGHT!!

ILOVEGRIZZLIES–See , I know she loves you (I know she loves you) I understandI(understand) I'd probably be just as crazy about you If you were my own man Maybe next lifetime (maybe next lifetime) Possibly (possibly) Until then, Oh friend your'e secret is safe with me

ICanReadYourMind1901–Ugh. I give up. I feel sorry for Rosalie.

ICanReadYourMind1901 has logged off.

NextMissAmerica has logged on.

NextMissAmerica–Why does Edward feel sorry for me?...Oh. My. Carlisle. EMMETT I'M SO DIVORCING YOU!!

ILOVEGRIZZLIES–NO ROSIE DON'T GO I'M SORRY DON'T LEAVE ME I LOVE YOU!!

NextMissAmerica–Wow, I didn't think that would work.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES–What?

NextMissAmerica – I wanted to see you beg on your knees at my feet.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES– -growls-

NextMissAmerica has logged off.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Does it always end like this?

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – LONELYYYY, I AM SO LONELYYYYY…


	3. Too Far

**Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!Can you believe that it's already thanksgiving??!!I can't!!!Next thing you know, it'll be Christmas. And then Spring break. And then we'll be out of school!!!Anyway, just a warning, Bella's a little OOC in this chapter. This doesn't mean she'll be that way in all chapters. And if you actually decided to read my a/n, put the word pickle somewhere in your review.**

Chapter 3: Too Far

ShieldYou1988 – I swear, he's gone too far this time.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – I agree. Esme and I spent so much time on that.

ShieldYou1988 – Renesmee is crying. She loved it too.

Halfling2007 has logged on.

Halfling2007 – I can't believe he did that…

ShieldYou1988 – Aw, Ren, don't cry.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – All those beautiful clothes…

ShieldYou1988 – Great, now Alice is dry sobbing.

Halfling2007 – What about all the furniture, mom?

ShieldYou1988 – Wonderful, now I'm dry sobbing.

ICanReadYourMind1901 has logged on.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Why is everybody crying?

ShieldYou1988 – Get Esme.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Is something wrong? Did someone die? Is the Volturi coming? ARE WE GONNA DIE?!?!

ShieldYou1988 – Get. Esme.

ICanReadYourMind1901 has logged off.

A few minutes later…

ICanReadYourMind1901 has logged on.

MomofVamps has logged on.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – I got her. Now what happened?

Halfling2007 – Uncle Jasper…he…he…

ShieldYou1988 – Flooded the cottage!!!

MomofVamps – WHERE. IS. HE?

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Everyone clear the house!!!

-They all walk out of the house except for a livid Esme and a clueless Jasper.

"Wow, who knew Esme had such a vocabulary…"Edward pulled Bella a little faster away from the large, white house.

Bella stared at Edward with a shocked expression.

From the house came an extremely loud yell. The ground beneath their feet rumbled from the powerful sound wave.

5 MINUTES LATER

"She's done."Edward began walking back into the house with a satisfied smirk on his face. Everyone followed behind him.

They walked in to see Jasper curled up in a ball in the corner of the living room.-

MomofVamps – That felt good.

MomofVamps has logged off.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Poor Jazzy. I'm gonna go take him shopping.

Halfling2007 – Alice, that'll help no one feel better but you.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Your point?

ShopaholicGucciLuvr has logged off.

ShieldYou1988 – I have a plan.

Halfling2007 – Why are you smiling like that?

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Now I know why Alice left.

ShieldYou1988 – Ha ha. Sorry Ren, but you'll have to wait inside for this one.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – What are you doing, Love?

ShieldYou1988 – Lifts shield.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Oh Carlisle, Bella, NO!!!Too dangerous!!!

ShieldYou1988 – I think it's perfect. Plus, we're indestructible. And why do you think Alice took Jasper out? She's getting him away from here so we can pull the prank.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – I'm not going to win, am I?

ShieldYou1988 – Nope. Ren, go hide in the basement with Esme in the bomb shelter. Edward, come with me to get the bombs.

Halfling2007 – We have a bomb shelter?!

ICanReadYourMind1901 – We have a bomb shelter AND bombs?!

ShieldYou1988 – Yeah. Jasper loves his homemade bombs.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – And the bomb shelter?

ShieldYou1988 – Alice and I were bored one day so we built it in the basement.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Out of what?

ShieldYou1988 – Cardboard.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – WHAT?!

ShieldYou1988 – Cardboard.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – WHAT?!

ShieldYou1988 – C-A-R-D-

ICanReadYourMind1901 – I heard.

ShieldYou1988 – Then why'd you ask?

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Nevermind.

Halfling2007 – It's nvm, dad. Sigh. I'll go get Esme.

Halfling2007 has logged off.

ShieldYou1988 – Let's go get the bombs.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Oh Carlisle.

A few minutes later…

ShieldYou1988 – Everything's ready.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Bella, we're in the backyard, with 10 different bombs, and we're on laptops IMing.

ShieldYou1988 – I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch the significance of that post. Can I start now?

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Sure.

-Bella picks up all 10 bombs.

"Love, not all at once-"

But Edward was too late. Bella threw all 10 of Jasper's treasured homemade bombs into the small bonfire in their backyard.

_KA-BOOM!!!!!!!!!_

Once the smoke cleared away, two blackened-with-ash vampires were revealed. One was staring at her husband sheepishly while the other appeared very ticked at his wife.-

ShieldYou1988 – …Oops?

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Understatement. Anyway, they're back.

ShieldYou1988 – I'm dead.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Again.

-Edward looks down at himself.-

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Goodness, Bella! What am I going to do with you?

ShieldYou1988 – Love me?

-Bella's expression was one of innocence.-

ICanReadYourMind1901 has logged off.

-Edward sulks back into the house. Bella notices that the whole back of the house is black with soot.

"BELLA!!!"Jasper slammed the door of Alice's yellow Porsche.-

ShieldYou1988 – I'mdeadI'mdeadIdiedI'mdead.

ConfederateSoldierTX has logged on.

ConfederateSoldierTX – Oh, you're very much alive-for now.

ShieldYou1988 – AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	4. Arrested!

**Sorry I haven't updated in forever!!!School is occupying most of my time. But now that Christmas is here and we're all out, I can update!!!Proud, huh? Anyway, just to see if anyone read this A/N, put the word "presents" in your review some place. Just curious.**

Chapter 4 – Arrested!

ShieldYou1988 – Shoot, Charlie's coming.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Why? And how do you know?

ShieldYou1988 – The bombs. And use common sense. You're a small town sheriff who just heard and saw a bomb go off at your daughter's house. What would you do?

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Good point.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr has logged on.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Oh Carlisle, Bella.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – What? Alice, stop translating "Sleigh Ride" into Korean.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – 그 썰매의 방울이 딸랑딸랑에 의하여 딸랑딸랑 소리를 둥글게 되기 위하여 역시 쑤신ㄴ ing다는 것을 다만 들으십시오...

ShieldYou1988 – What Alice? What about me?

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Are you seriously gonna make Charlie IM the whole time?

ShieldYou1988 – Duh!

ICanReadYourMind1901 – SOMEONE STOP CHAR-

ShieldYou1988 – Too late, he's here.

-Charlie knocks on the front door. Edward sighs and opens the door. Bella runs up to them showing what she had typed on her laptop.-

ShieldYou1988 – No talking! Grab a laptop and IM with us.

-Charlie grabbed a laptop, all the while glaring at his daughter. He quickly set up an IM and logged into the chatroom.-

ChiefCharlie – What's this about, Bells?

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Nessie introduced it to us and Bella became hooked.

ChiefCharlie – Who's that?

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Edward.

ChiefCharlie – …Anyway, can you get everybody on here? I need to speak…figuratively…to everyone.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Sure.

ShieldYou1988 – Not very creative, Charlie.

ChiefCharlie – What?

ShieldYou1988 – Your username. Not creative.

ChiefCharlie – Sorry. I didn't expect to ever have one of these things.

ConfederateSoldierTX has logged on.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES has logged on.

NextMissAmerica has logged on.

Halfling2007 has logged on.

MomOfVamps has logged on.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – We're all here, except for Carlisle.

ChiefCharlie – Can you go around saying your names? I'm new to this.

ShieldYou1988 – BELLA!

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Edward.

Halfling2007 – Nessie.

ShieldYou1988 - *growls*

Halfling2007 – Renesmee.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – EMMETT!!!!

NextMissAmerica – Rosalie.

ConfederateSoldierTX – Jasper.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – ALICE!!!!!!!!

MomOfVamps – Esme.

ChiefCharlie – MomOfVamps? AS IN VAMPIRES??!!

ICanReadYourMind1901 – coughlogoffesmecough.

MomOfVamps has logged off.

ChiefCharlie – Ooookkkaaayyyy…Now I want to know about that bomb. Could you get Carlisle?

ICanReadYourMind1901 – I'll get him.

NextMissAmerica – Wasn't there.

NextMissAmerica has logged off.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Ditto.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES has logged off.

Halfling2007 – Mom just told me to go hide in the bomb shelter.

Halfling2007 has logged off.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Carlisle's here. And sadly, I _was_ a part of this.

DrAcula has logged on.

DrAcula – You rang?

ChiefCharlie – DrAcula…Dr. Acula…Dracula…vampire…MomOfVamps…vampire…

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Need to know only, Charlie.

ChiefCharlie – Anyway, was anyone else not somehow involoved besides Carlisle with this bomb?

DrAcula – That came from THERE??!!

ChiefCharlie – Where are you?

DrAcula – Hospital.

ChiefCharlie – ANYWHO, speak now!

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – I just went to the mall with Jazzy. Granted, it was to get him away for the prank…

ChiefCharlie – You knew about it?

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Yes.

ChiefCharlie – And that's all you had in this?

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Yep.

ChiefCharlie – You're free.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr has logged off.

ChiefCharlie – Edward, what was your part?

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Same as Bella's.

ChiefCharlie – Bella?

ShieldYou1988 – Way to stand up for your wife, Edward. Okay, in summary, Jasper and I have these prank wars, and he flooded the cottage, so I asked Edward to help me blow up his "precious" homemade bombs. So we did, and Jasper attacked me when he got home.

ChiefCharlie – So Jasper, you flooded their house, attacked my daughter, and to top it all off, they're YOUR HOMEMADE BOMBS??!!

ConfederateSoldierTX – Yes sir.

ChiefCharlie – Alright, well, you are arrested, along with Bella and Edward for blowing up the bombs.

ShieldYou1988 – YOU CAN'T ARREST YOUR OWN DAUGHTER!!!

ChiefCharlie – Sorry, Bells. I have to. It's the law.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Carlisle, can't you just bail us out now?

DrAcula – Yeah, but I want the mug shots. Good luck, and have fun. I'll have Alice bail you out later.

DrAcula has logged off.

ChiefCharlie – Everyone get in the cruiser!

ChiefCharlie has logged off.

ConfederateSoldierTX – I'm suing.

ConfederateSoldierTX has logged off.

ShieldYou1988 – I'll call J. Jenks.

ShieldYou1988 has logged off.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Wrong kind of lawyer, love.

ICanReadYourMind1901 has logged off.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr has logged on.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr - 그 썰매의 방울이 딸랑딸랑에 의하여 딸랑딸랑 소리를 둥글게 되기 위하여 역시 쑤신ㄴ ing다는 것을 다만 들으십시오…

**There be Chapter 4!!!Hope you liked it. And this will be the least funny chapter in the whole story. Moving on, the parts where Alice sings Sleigh Ride in Korean, it IS real Korean and the translation into English is "Just hear those sleigh bells jingle-ing ring ting tingle-ing too…", which are the real first two lines of "Sleigh Ride". I got the translation from 's new feature – translating!!!Cool, huh? They'll translate just about any language you want.**

**I have another story that's been up a while – before this one was even considered. It's my first, but it's called Forks Fieldtrip Fiasco. Check it out, please!!!I need more readers!!!**

**Review!!!PLEASE!!!**

**Until next time,**

**AliceCullen112**


	5. Jailbirds

**Thank you so much my wonderful readers!!!I am BEYOND THRILLED at 1,201 hits, 43 reviews, 31 favorites, and 24 alerts – I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!Keep it coming:).**

**This chapter goes to bookaddict209 for coming up with the idea for this chapter! The plot line for this story is all hers, the writing is all mine. THANK YOU bookaddict209!!!!**

**Now, ONWARD, TO CHAPTER 5!!!**

Chapter 5 – Jailbirds

-It's been 5 hours, and Alice still hasn't come and bailed them out. Jasper was playing on his harmonica on a cot, Edward was pacing a hole through the floor, and Bella is playing on her cell phone.

"Bella, what are you doing?"Edward halted by Bella's side.

"Trying to IM on my cell phone." She answered. "I got it! Y'all get your cell phones."

"Did you just say y'all?"Edward pulled out his cell phone and logged onto his IM account.

"I've been around Jasper too much." **(A/N not making fun of southerners!!!Just thinking of Jasper…)**

Jasper quit playing his annoying harmonica and pulled out his iPhone. He, too, logged in.-

ShieldYou1988 has logged on.

ICanReadYourMind1901 has logged on.

ConfederateSoldierTX has logged on.

ShieldYou1988 – Wasn't Alice supposed to bail us out…what time is it?

ICanReadYourMind1901 – 8 PM. We were arrested around 3.

ShieldYou1988 – She should have bailed us out atleast 5 hours ago!!!

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Call her.

ShieldYou1988 – The police would hear us. Speaking of which, JASPER!!!TURN OFF THE RINGTONE!!!

-"Yellow Rose of Texas" suddenly stopped coming from Jasper's phone.-

ShieldYou1988 – Better.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Why was it on anyway? We're on the internet.

ConfederateSoldierTX – I have my ways. Plus, I like the song.

ShieldYou1988 – No, Jasper, really? We haven't noticed. You just play it all the time on repeat NONSTOP!!!

-Edward's ringtone starts playing for some reason. Jasper raises his eyebrows and Bella giggles.

"'Seventeen Forever' by Metro Station?"

"Hello Alice."Edward sighed.

"Charlie's gonna take away your phones if you don't hide them now."She then promptly hung up.

"NO ALICE-"-

ShieldYou1988 – BYEEEEE!!!

ShieldYou1988 has logged off.

ConfederateSoldierTX has logged off.

ICanReadYourMind1901 has logged off.

-Charlie walks down the hall. Edward continues his pacing, Bella continues playing on her Blackberry Storm, and Jasper continues playing the little harmonica that Bella would "accidentally" drop in the fireplace once they got back home.

"I heard music coming from here, and it didn't sound like a harmonica."Charlie looked at Jasper.

"But it was, sir! I figured out how to play my favorite song!"Jasper lied, trying to make it convincing. Charlie's eyes narrowed, but walked off anyhow. They all pulled out their phones again and logged on.-

ShieldYou1988 has logged on.

ICanReadYourMind1901 has logged on.

ConfederateSoldierTX has logged on.

ConfederateSoldierTX – Alice just called you. Why hasn't she saved us yet?

ShieldYou1988 – Knowing her, she's shopping with our bail money.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – I swear, if she is…

ConfederateSoldierTX – DON'T LAY A FINGER ON MY WIFE!!!

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Can I lay a fist?

ConfederateSoldierTX – NO!!!That's still fingers!

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Fine, fine. A foot?

ShieldYou1988 – Now, Edward, we don't want to hurt/kill Alice.

ConfederateSoldierTX – Thank you, Bella.

ShieldYou1988 – When/if she bails us out, we'll want revenge.

ConfederateSoldierTX – I hate you, Bella.

ShieldYou1988 – Luv ya too, Jazz.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Drat. You have a point, love.

ConfederateSoldierTX – Again, if you dare-

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Lay a phalange on her sweet, precious, wonderful, innocent (coughcough) little skull, I'll lose said phalange plus more.

ConfederateSoldierTX – Better believe it.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES has logged on.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Hey guys. This is cool!

ShieldYou1988 – How did you know that this is what we're doing?

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Look up.

-The jail cell was unlocked by a scowling Charlie. A grinning Emmett was shoved in.-

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – I thought you guys were lonely, so I did something stupid.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Moreso than usual?

ShieldYou1988 – What did you do?

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Pretended to be drunk driving.

ShieldYou1988 – Carlisle, Emmett!!!You idiot!!!

ConfederateSoldierTX – Did anyone hear that car on the highway go by just now?

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Yeah, it sounded like…a Porsche…

ShieldYou1988 – It was blaring "Speakerphone" by Kylie Minogue, which is Alice's new favorite song…

-"ALICE!!!"All four of the jailed vampires shouted.-

**So there's that. I have the next probably 3 chapters planned out, and I think you'll like them.**

**I have a new poll up on my profile – please check it out!!!**

**I do have another story called Forks Fieldtrip Fiasco. It's my first fanfic, and it's not getting a lot of attention. Please check it out and review it!!!I would dearly love it.**

**Again, thanks so much for all the reviews!!!I love my readers!!!**

**Reviews are good for the soul – so review!;)**


	6. Let's Bomb Something!

**Sorry I haven't updated in forever!!!Life got in the way. But here's the next chapter!!! I finally got to write this one. This was one of my first ideas. I got it when we were studying the Middle East, and the war and stuff. So I was like, "What would happen if Emmett and Jasper enrolled in the military?" and stuff. So this chapter was born.**

_**IMPORTANT NOTE**_**: Bella's username has been changed due to an error on my part. Bella's birth year was 1987 while I thought it was 1988. So, her user name is now correctly and officially ShieldYou198****7****.**

**I just gotta say this: THANK YOU!!!!!To all my fabulous readers who did or didn't review, this chapter's for you. And especially to jamstar4eva, my 50****th**** reviewer!!!!Guys, this means a lot to me. Thanks so much!!!**

**Moving on!!! I hope you enjoy Just IM Me chapter 6!!!**

Chapter 6: Let's Bomb Something!!!

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – JAZZY-KINZ!!!!!!

ConfederateSoldierTX – Ugh. Don't call me that!!!What?

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – I feel sadistic and slightly masochistic.

ConfederateSoldierTX – ?!?!

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – I wanna blow something up.

ConfederateSoldierTX – Ah.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Where are your Civil War bombs?

ConfederateSoldierTX – *Sniffsniff*In Heaven.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – They don't have souls. They aren't in Heaven.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – We don't have souls. *brooding, masochistic, self-loathing look*

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Shut up, Eddie!

ConfederateSoldierTX – Where'd you come from anyway?

ICanReadYourMind1901 has logged off.

ConfederateSoldierTX – Moving on…when my bombs were killed (BELLA'S A MURDERER!!!), they went to Heaven.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Again-it's an inanimate object. No way can it go to Heaven!

ConfederateSoldierTX – Well, they didn't go the opposite direction. They were good bombs.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – GOOD BOMBS? They were used to blow people up!!!

ConfederateSoldierTX – Actually, Bella used them to blow up Esme's backyard.

MomOfVamps – BELLA'S A MURDERER!!!

ConfederateSoldierTX – Thank you, Esme!

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Where did you come from?!

MomOfVamps has logged off.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – I'm going to end this conversation. Jasper, get the super-secret-hidden-from-Bella-HAHA-take-THAT bomb in your closet and we'll enroll in the army.

ConfederateSoldierTX – Why are we enrolling in the army? And how do you know about that bomb?

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Because I thought it would be cool. And everyone knows about that bomb but Bella.

ShieldYou1987 – WHAT BOMB?!

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – WHERE IS EVERYONE COMING FROM?!?!?!

ShieldYou1987 has logged off.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE?!?!?!?!

…

DrAcula has logged off.

Halfling2007 has logged off.

NextMissAmerica has logged off.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – ALICE!!! I KNOW YOU'RE THERE!!!

…

ShopaholicGucciLuvr has logged off.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Okay. You have the bomb?

ConfederateSoldierTX – Yup. What's the plan?

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – So, we enroll in the air force, learn to fly a plane, go to some place America hates, bomb the place, and head back home!!!

ConfederateSoldierTX – That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Stupidest ain't a word, stupid.

ConfederateSoldierTX – Yes. It. Is.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Sheesh, sorry. You have anything better, Mr. Smarty Pants?

ConfederateSoldierTX – Yes. So, we DON'T enroll in the air force, DON'T learn to fly a plane, DON'T go to some place America hates, DON'T bomb the place, and stay at home?

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – No.

ConfederateSoldierTX – Fine. We won't enroll in the air force. I know how to fly a plane. We'll bomb the Atlantic Ocean near Europe so we don't kill anyone. Then we'll go home.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Perfect! Let's go!

-A random man dressed like a hippie pops up in the living room. Emmett and Jasper both look at him curiously before saying, "Who are you?"

"I am Mr. Eddy, not to be confused with your brother Edward." the man answered in a mellow voice.

"Okay…"Emmett laughed.

"You have to be more responsible for your actions. You can't just go blow up an ocean and flood a country."Mr. Eddy said in a half asleep voice.

"Look dude, I don't know who you are or anything, but why don't you bibbidi-bobbidi-boo yourself outta here because you're just plain annoying me. I can blow up an ocean any time if I want to, so get out of my grill!!!" Emmett replied, looking slightly mad in the literal sense.

Mr. Eddy disappeared in a poof.

"Let's go. TO THE CULLEN JET!" Emmett ran off to the Port Angeles Airport with Jasper following.-

A little while later…

ConfederateSoldierTX – Emmett, it should surprise me that you have laptops on a plane, but it doesn't.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – I'm always prepared. Are we there yet?

ConfederateSoldierTX – As I have answered for the past 4 hours; NO.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Oh. Are we there yet?

ConfederateSoldierTX – NO! Do you have that on your copy/paste or something?

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Maybe. Are we there yet?

ConfederateSoldierTX – NO!!!...wait…actually…yes.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – YES!!!Time for action!!! I'll get the bomb.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES has logged off.

-Emmett grabbed the one remaining bomb of Jasper's collection and threw it out the open door of the Cullens' private jet. It fell to the ocean and blew up as soon as it hit the floor. A huge wave formed and gained speed – TOWARDS EUROPE AND AMERICA!!!-

ConfederateSoldierTX – Uh oh…

ILOVEGRIZZLIES has logged on.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – What?

ConfederateSoldierTX – Tsunami.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Heading where?

ConfederateSoldierTX – UK and USA.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – FLY LIKE THE WIND, JASPER!!!

A few hours later, back at the Cullen house, watching FOX News…

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – OMG.

NextMissAmerica – My Carlisle, guys!

ShieldYou1987 – Goodness.

Halfling2007 – Oh. Ehm. Gee.

MomOfVamps – Oh my.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Oi vei.

DrAcula – Boys, what did you _do_?!

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Yeah, Jasper, what did you _do_?!

ConfederateSoldierTX – EMMETT!!!

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Fine, fine. Well…

**Thanks so much for reading!!! I hope you enjoyed it.**

**Did you hear that Texas may secede from America? WOW.**

**When my friend went to Arizona over spring break, she brought me back a BEAUTIFUL turquoise black-spotted stone. She said it was a jasper stone, and she knew I loved Jasper, so she got it for me. Sweet, huh? It's absolutely GORGEOUS.**

**I love you guys!!!I would love it if you reviewed, gave me some feedback, that type of thing. Thanks!!!**

**~*AliceCullen112*~**


	7. YouTube Wars

**A quick disclaimer: I don't own the name of Balice. I got it from another fanfic – maybe it was Dear Mr. Diary?**

**Hey guys!!!I'm really sorry I haven't updated in forever. I've lost my incentive to write. But I managed to create another chapter for you guys, and I can only hope it's good. It's not my best chapter (probably my worst), but I tried!!!**

**I saw the MTV movie awards last night!!!I am SO happy that Twilight won Best Movie award!!!It beat Slumdog Millionaire and The Dark Knight!!!And KStew won Breakthrough Female Performance, and RPattz won Breakthrough Male Performance, and Twilight won Best Fight and Best Kiss!!!Thank you to all who voted – we owe them winning to you!!! I wish Paramore would have won, though. They're my favorite band. **

**I got this idea a few months ago in math class(which is thankfully over now!!!). I don't remember what we were talking about – I think it was one of my favorite fanfics ever, Parenting Skills 101 by vjgm. I remembered the "battle for our cars on eBay" part, and decided to do a YouTube wars chapter!!!I'm not sure how well it turned out, though. Review to tell me your opinions!!!**

**A few notes about this chapter: I have never uploaded anything on YouTube. I may have an account, but all I do is view videos. Another thing: I know Jasper's real age (physical and vampire). But, because of appearances to keep up, Jasper (and everybody) is about 3 years older. I'm guesstimating that Renesmee is probably 10-12.**

Chapter 7 – YouTube Wars

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – LOL!!!Don't you just love The Hillywood Show?

ShieldYou1987 – They are FANTASTIC!!!Their acting is great. Jack Sparrow's my favorite.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – You mean FANTASMIC.

ShieldYou1987 – Huh?

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Fantas_M_ic instead of Fantas_T_ic.

ShieldYou1987 – Whatevs. Let's look up music videos now!!!How about…

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – "Don't Trust Me" by 3OH!3!!!

ShieldYou1987 – ALICE!!!I HATE that song.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES has logged on.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – I LOVE THAT SONG!!!Ooh, YouTube…

ShieldYou1987 – Well, of course _you_ do. You get to scream cuss words left and right.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Yeah, more than usual.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND, WHEN HE SAYS HE'S GOT BEEF, THAT I'M A VEGITARIAN AND I AIN'T –

ShieldYou1987 – LANGUAGE!!!

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Sigh.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – FINE!!!No music videos. How about…Bella! We can create our own webshow!

SheildYou1987 - …Alice? What would we do with a webshow?

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Embarrass Emmett, of course. Where'd I put my video recorder?...

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Embarrass me on YOUTUBE?!...Cool…I'll be famous like FRED!!!:D

ShieldYou1987 – Ugh. We can't embarrass _Emmett_, he _likes_ it!!!

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Well, that leaves us one choice.

ShieldYou1987 – Forget about the webshow?

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – As if! Nope, we're going to embarrass…OUR HUSBANDS.

ShieldYou1987 - …This won't turn out well…

5 Minutes Later

ShieldYou1987 – Alice, this is NOT a good idea…

-Alice pressed the record button on her silver camcorder placed on the tripod. She smiled into the camera's lenses.

"Hello YouTube!!!Welcome to the very first episode of Balice, where Bella and I get to embarrass our husbands on the world wide web! I'm Alice, and she's Bella, and here we go!" Alice then stopped recording.-

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Let's go, Bella!!! Do you have me blocked?

ShieldYou1987 – Yes, Alice. Sigh. Who's first?

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Edward.

ShieldYou1987 – Oi vei.

-Alice and Bella grabbed their laptops and Alice's camcorder and quickly ran upstairs to Edward's old room, where he was listening to his stereo. Then Ozzy Osborne came on, and Edward started…singing?

Alice pressed record on the camera after Bella had adjusted herself in front of the camera. "Okay, so first, we'll embarrass my husband, Edward! He's a huge music fanatic, but no one knew he liked Ozzy Osborne! Apparently, when no one's around, he loves to sing along to Ozzy's 'Crazy Train'!"Bella giggled.

Alice zoomed in for a closer look, then started giggling herself – just loud enough for Edward to hear her. She quickly stopped recording and put away the camera just as Edward looked in their direction. The two partners in crime ran off, giggling.-

ShieldYou1987 – Okay, that was pretty fun!

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Told ya so! Now let's go catch Jazzy doing something embarrassing!

-The girls set down their laptops and Bella began recording when Alice gave the okay (after fixing her hair and makeup, of course.)

"So, next is my husband, Jasper. He loves technology, but sometimes he uses it for a secret obsession of his!"Alice gestured to Jasper, sitting at his laptop on eBay. He was searching for…Polly Pocket Dolls?

Bella zoomed in on the computer screen and giggled. So that's why Jasper wouldn't show anyone what was inside of his UPS boxes! It all made sense now…

"Polly Pocket Dolls? For a girl between the ages of 3 and 9, I can imagine, but for a 24 year old man? NO WAY!!!"Alice laughed quietly.

Bella switched off the camcorder and gave it to Alice, smiling. They went back to Alice's room and got to work.-

ShieldYou1987 – What will our username be? Something cool, something awesome, something like…

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – ShopaholicShieldingGucciLuvrYou1987!!!:D

ShieldYou1987 – No…how about TheBaliceShow2009?

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Yeah, that's cool too.

ShieldYou1987 – Now, we have our account made! Let's upload the video.

-They downloaded the videos onto Alice's laptop and saved it in a file. Alice somehow managed to put the video on YouTube even though they JUST created their account.-

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Perf! Now the whole world can laugh at our wonderful husbands we love so much!

ShieldYou1987 – Kissing up already, Al?

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Little bit.

A few hours later…

ConfederateSoldierTX – HEY EDWARD!!!

ICanReadYourMind1901 – WHAT?

ConfederateSoldierTX – Do you have any idea why a video called "Balice's Webisodes: Episode Uno" with a picture of Alice and Bella talking on it is featured on YouTube?

ICanReadYourMind1901 – LEMME LOOK!!!

…

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Whoa…

ConfederateSoldierTX – I'm playing it.

After Seeing the video…

ICanReadYourMind1901 – What.

ConfederateSoldierTX – The.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Volterra.

-"ALICE!!!!!!"A furious Jasper screeched from upstairs.

Alice cringed. "I guess he saw the video…"

Bella frowned, knowing that she was next. Edward's yell confirmed that, and she glared at Alice.

"Do you have any excuses yet, dear sister?"-

A few minutes later…

ConfederateSoldierTX – Why would you do this to us?

ICanReadYourMind1901 – It was an awful thing to do!...Why are we IMing this?

ShieldYou1987 – I made Charlie interrogate and arrest us on IM. How is this any different?-puppy dog pout-

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Bella…

ConfederateSoldierTX – Edward! FOCUS!!!

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Right. WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO US?!!!

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – We were bored.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Same bored as when you build the "bomb shelter"? Where's the cardboard?

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Carlisle hid it, but I found it a couple hours ago.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – ALICE!!!ONE MILLION HITS?!?!

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – REALLY?!:D

ICanReadYourMind1901 – GAH!!!CARLISLE, ALICE!!!

ShieldYou1987 – Edward, stop yelling at Alice! It's not entirely her fault. It's mine too! Yell at me!-sobsobsob-

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Oh, Bella, I'm sorry! I'm not going to yell at you OR Alice anymore. In fact, Jasper and I completely forgive you both! Stop crying, Bella…

ConfederateSoldierTX – Dude, you're whipped.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Nice, Bella!

ShieldYou1987 – Yeah, the puppy-dog-pout totally softened him up.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – No, it was the sobbing. He can't _stand_ to see you cry.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – THIS. MEANS. WAR!!!

A few minutes later…

-The living room looked like a …cyber…war zone. Edward and Jasper had used the furniture for their fort and had their laptops and a video camera inside. Alice and Bella had, of course, used Alice's newly found cardboard for their fort, and had their laptops and camcorder with them.

Carlisle walked into the Cullen mansion. "Honey, I-" He caught sight of the forts in the living room and 4 of his vampire children. Seeing Alice and Bella wearing all camo clothing hiding behind a pile of cardboard boxes that he had _thought_ he hid and Edward and Jasper dressed in authentic (possibly real) Confederate soldier uniforms hiding behind the white couch told him just one thing – STAY OUT AND WALK AWAY QUICKLY FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH.

"I don't want to know."He mumbled as he quickly stalked off in search of Esme.

**There it is, Chapter 7 of Just IM Me. I have a poll regarding future chapters in this story. Please vote!!!I want to know your opinions.**

**Please review!!!They're the driving force for this story. I love to know that my work makes you laugh. It makes my day!!!**


	8. SHOCK!

**Okay, so I had very few people vote for what chapter they wanted next in this story. But this chapter STILL won by an overwhelming margin. I'll be changing the poll, but only a little. Go vote, please!!!**

**In this chapter, Jacob comes into the picture!!!I hope you like his username. It's pretty obvious and simple, like the others, but I think it fits nicely.**

**I mean no offense to blondes out there with the jokes!!!You know Jacob. He loves torturing Rosalie about being blonde. It's even in the official books. No offense to you men either. But the girls had to get ticked at the guys for this chapter to really work.**

**Here's chapter 8, it's kinda short, but I hope it makes you laugh anyway.**

Chapter 8 – SHOCK!!!

NextMissAmerica – That's IT, Emmett!!! I've had ENOUGH!!!

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – But babe, I said I was sor-

NextMissAmerica – DON'T USE THE S-WORD ON ME!!!YOU'RE NOT SORRY!!!

Halfling2007 – Ooh, Aunt Rosie said the S-Word!!!:P

NextMissAmerica – Where'd you come from?

Halfling2007 – Oh, everyone except for Carlisle and Esme are watching. Even Jacob!

NextMissAmerica – Should've known. Spying via IM is HUGE in the Cullen household nowadays. Wait…the dog's here?

NUMBA1dog(Jacob) – Wassup, Blondie?

NextMissAmerica – What? Nothing on cable, mutt? Why'd you join the Cullen IM community?

NUMBA1dog – There's plenty on cable. But who needs it when you have dumb blondes?

NextMissAmerica – Shut up, mongrel! Dogs are supposed to sit there and look cute, not tell stupid jokes! But it looks like you can't do either.

NUMBA1dog – Aw, Blondie. You can't appreciate good comedy because your brain doesn't have the capacity to comprehend it.

NextMissAmerica – WHY, YOU-

Halfling2007 – WHOA, HEY NOW!!!CALM. BOTH OF YOU.

MomOfVamps has logged on.

MomOfVamps – Oi! Men are SO stupid.

NextMissAmerica – AH-GREED.

Halfling2007 – Definitely.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Whoa, wait a second. What?

NUMBA1dog – Yeah, we're not stupid!

Halfling2007 – Really? Do you remember last Halloween? You went around scaring people randomly in wolf-form. An old lady had a heart attack!!!

MomOfVamps – Or last Christmas? You set the tree on fire, and it nearly took the living room with it.

NUMBA1dog – Yeah, I still don't know how I did that…

ShieldYou1987 – Emmett, just last week you proved your stupidity!!!

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Yeah, you and Jasper bombed the Atlantic!!!

ConfederateSoldierTX – Hey, don't get me roped into this!

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Too late.

ShieldYou1987 – Edward's really done nothing stupid as long as I've known him.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Thank you, Bella! (Take THAT, Emmett!!!)

ShieldYou1987 – But you're going to have to go along with Alice's little scheme anyway.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – What…little…scheme?...

ShieldYou1987 – You're the mind reader, figure it out.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Bella, you're blocking her.

ShieldYou1987 – Yeah, so you CAN'T read her mind and see her plan!!!

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Let the evil plan commence…*evil smile*.

Five Minutes Later…

ICanReadYourMind1901 – AGH!!! Why must you do this?! How'd I even get roped into it?!

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Ouch! Eduardo, you're whipped, that's how. All Bella had to do was pull out the "puppy dog pout" and you were in.

ShieldYou1987 – Works every time :D

ICanReadYourMind1901 – But why SHOCK COLLARS?!

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Because.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – I'm feeling masochistic and slightly sadistic again, Rosie. SHOCK ME AGAIN!!! :D

DrAcula has logged on.

DrAcula – OUCH!!! Esme, what did I do?

MomOfVamps – I don't know. You changed Emmett…

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – He…what? I don't get it…OH!...HEY, I TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT! (Rosie, shock me again!)

DrAcula – PLEASE, Esme! Stop spontaneously shocking me!

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Atleast your wife isn't laughing while shocking you!

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Rosie, shock me again!

NextMissAmerica – No, Emmett. You like it too much. It seems NOT shocking you is more of a punishment than shocking you.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – But Rose-

NextMissAmerica – Don't you "But Rose" me! NO. Now take that collar off.

Halfling2007 – Guys, Jake isn't doing anything. No screaming, flinching, ANYTHING.

NextMissAmerica – Well, he _is_ a dog…

NUMBA1dog – Ha ha, funny, Blondie. Whenever Billy grounds me, he sets up an electric fence and puts a shock collar on me. I'm used to it by now.

Halfling2007 – Drat it.

-THUMP.

Jasper fell to the floor and began twitching.-

NUMBA1dog – …Is he okay?

ShieldYou1987 – Alice _is_ shocking him at vampire speed…

Halfling2007 – And he _is_ an empath…

NextMissAmerica – So he's getting 4 times the pain. What's he thinking?

ICanReadYourMind1901 – He's just mentally screaming. Very girlie-ish, too.

ShieldYou1987 – Carlisle, make him stop. If you don't we'll ALL be feeling like that in a few minutes. And I prefer to look sane and well, thank you very much.

**Yeah, it's shorter than my other chapters. But I hope it made you laugh!!!Cuz I laughed while writing it, and it was fun to write!!!**

**Please review, because they're what keeps me writing. And they make my day, too.**

**~*AliceCullen112*~**


	9. Just IM Me Short: Guns Aren't Toys!

**Just IM Me Short**

**This chapter is gonna be really short – kind of like a filler. I just wanted to go ahead and post a little something for while I write the next chapter, which could take a while.**

**Speaking of the next chapter, the Jack Sparrow one won!!! I don't know how many votes altogether I had on it because I had to change up the poll a little bit, but I do know that it won by a huge margin. So that's next!!!**

**A quick comment, and I think you'll get this after you read this chapter: Guns ARE NOT toys. DO NOT be like Emmett. DON'T PLAY WITH GUNS, LOADED OR NOT. It is EXTREMELY dangerous. Also, don't throw knives. Leave that to professionals who work in a circus.**

**Okay, moving on.**

**This is in 3****rd**** person, so…yeah.**

Just IM Me Short, Chapter 9: Guns Aren't Toys!

Emmett's bored again.

Those three little words can make just about anybody cringe, and what Emmett did today was most definitely cringe-worthy.

Emmett had snagged one of Jasper's old antique pistols from his collection. For some strange reason, he had been wanting to play around with deadly (to a human) objects of late. Just last week he was practicing the "art" of throwing knives! Maybe everyone was seeing a new masochistic side of Emmett that had never before been revealed.

Jasper keeps all of his old guns in his collection loaded. Why, you ask?...Well, no one actually knows; not even the mind reader. Maybe it's for authenticity. Btu after what happens next, he'll probably be unloading all of his guns.

Emmett put the gun to his face to try and examine it better. But in the process, his finger accidentally pulled the trigger. A bullet lodged itself right between his eyeballs.

Emmett just stood there, shocked He had just accidentally shot himself in the head! That would have killed a human. It's great that he was a vampire, then.

Jasper, having heard the shot and been the only one home other than Emmett, ran upstairs to where both Emmett and his collection were located. When he spied Emmett looking shell-shocked (excuse the pun) at one of his old pistols, he chuckled, grabbed the smoking pistol, and said to Emmett in a teasing voice, "Should I go get the antidepressants?"

**I'm not sure how funny that was. And that is why you should review!!!To tell me if I need to work on my sense of humor or if it was side-splittingly funny. So don't be shy! Press that little green and white button!**

**Until next time (when you get to read about Emmett turning into Jack Sparrow!),**

**~*AliceCullen112*~**


	10. Happy Thanksgiving?

"**OMG!!! Is it…IT IS!!! IT'S AN **_**UPDATE**_**!!!"**

**Yes, yes. It's an update. You're not seeing things, you've (probably) still got a fragment of your sanity, and you won't have to visit a shrink (for the reason of thinking you're seeing things, at least).**

**Sorry that it's not the Pirates of the Caribbean chapter. I'm having a bit of writer's block with it.**

**Ugh. I think I broke my pinky finger. You seriously don't realize how much you press the shift key until you injure it.**

**So, my rant before the story today. Well, first, I'm sorry for not updating sooner. School started up since the last time we talked, and it's taken away ALL of my free time. I'm seriously considering putting my language arts teacher into a "Project Lovers Anonymous" or something. Seriously, within the first quarter, we had 4 projects all due roughly at the same time. Anyway, I've also been working on a new fanfic. I haven't posted it or anything, but I plan to as soon as I finish it. It won't be a super long story, and I'm not going to drag it out or anything. But it's gonna be cool, okay? And I PROMISE I will let you know as soon as I post it.**

**Alright. So, this is dedicated to Turkey Day coming up tomorrow. Hope you enjoy the first update of Just IM Me that's happened in atleast 3 or 4 months. Maybe more.**

Chapter 10: Happy Thanksgiving?

ShieldYou1987 – CODE BROWN, WE HAVE A CODE BROWN, PEOPLE!!!

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – WHAT? SOME RANDOM MEAN NOMAD VAMPIRE GOT TICKED OFF AT NESSIE FOR BEING SO COOL AND SHE AND JACOB HAVE MOVED TO JAMAICA TO HIDE OUT FOR FOREVER UNTIL THE NOMAD FINDS THEM AND THREATENS THEM WITHIN AN INCH OF THEIR NONEXISTENT LIVES?!

ShieldYou1987 – Um, no.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – That's Code Tan, duh.

ShieldYou1987 – Get it straight, Emmett.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Oh. Well, carry on, then.

ShieldYou1987 – Code Brown is Renee and Phil are coming for Thanksgiving!

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Oh. Is that all?

ShieldYou1987 – IS THAT ALL? IS THAT ALL?!...Well, yes, but do you know what this means?

NextMissAmerica – Not particularly, no.

ShieldYou1987 – What does the word "Thanksgiving" make you think of?

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Football!

DrAcula – Pilgrims.

ConfederateSoldierTX – That Squanto dude.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Black Friday sales.

NUMBA1dog – FOOD!!!

ShieldYou1987 – Exactly! Food! Renee's coming, and she's expecting a HUGE Thanksgiving meal!

MomOfVamps – And we don't eat…

ShieldYou1987 – WHAT DO WE DO?!

MomOfVamps – Well, we'll cook, of course.

NUMBA1dog – I'll invite Charlie, Billy, and the pack.

NextMissAmerica – Ugh, fabulous. The food will smell bad enough.

MomOfVamps – Rosalie…

NextMissAmerica – Alright, alright, I'll stop…for now.

DrAcula – And I suppose we'll have to eat a little bit in order for Renee not to get suspicious.

ShieldYou1987 – OH NO.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – CARLISLE!!!

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Can we all fake a sickness to scare off Renee or something?

-Suddenly, the doorbell rings. They can all suddenly smell Renee and Phil outside.

Edward looked at the door, bemused. "Now why didn't we notice them before?"

"Um, we were just a _bit_ preoccupied, honey. Remember, we're in the middle of a Code Brown?"Bella explained patiently.

"Oh, right."

Emmett jerked his head away from the door. "Wait, what's Code Brown again? It's not the Jamaica one, is it?"-

Thanksgiving Day

-The Cullens have brought out enough tables and chains to somehow house themselves, Renee and Phil, Charlie, Billy, the WHOLE pack, their families, and their imprints. That's a lot. I'm not doing the math, but you can if you'd like. Just make sure you have some Tylonol handy for that huge headache you'll gain. Anyway, food's cooked, and everyone's eating. I mean EVERYONE. And the Cullens are IM'ing on their phones.-

NextMissAmerica – Ugh. This is awful.

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – No arguments here.

ConfederateSoldierTX – Hey, Bella, $200 that I can eat more than you AND keep it down.

ShieldYou1987 – Deal.

-Bella and Jasper are now shoveling food down their throats, grimacing the whole time.

"Rosalie, don't you want any meat?" Renee asked.

"No, thank you, Renee, but I'm a vegetarian."Rosalie grinned.-

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Drat it. Why didn't I think of that _before_ I got the turkey?

NextMissAmerica – And I'm the ONLY vegetarian here, okay?

MomOfVamps – Can I be a vegan, then?

ICanReadYourMind1901 – Love, are you alright? You look a little paler than usual.

ShieldYou1987 – I'm fighting for $400. I have to be fine.

ICanReadYourMind1901 – You do realize that you have access to more than $400 million under the Cullen name, don't you?

ShieldYou1987 – There's pride and brag rights with this money, Edward.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Ugh. I can't do this anymore.

-Alice, who had taken very few bites, proclaimed to be full and left the room, making her way to the nearest bathroom.

"Is she alright? She barely ate."Renee asked, concerned.

"Um…she…she's…anorexic! Yeah, that's it…"Emmett stuttered. Renee looked floored.-

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – ANOREXIC?! REALLY?!

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – I panicked!

-Bella and Jasper's plates were both clear, and they had reached their limits. They both had attempted to out-eat the other, but they eventually stopped, calling it even for that portion of the bet. They sat across from each other at the table, staring the other down.

Presently, Jasper started to turn a little green. He swallowed convulsively, trying to keep his food down. Bella, on the other hand, just sat there calmly. Granted, she was a bit paler than usual, but she was handling all that food rather well.

Suddenly, Jasper flung himself out of his chair and ran for the bathroom. Bella smiled triumphantly as he discarded his Thanksgiving meal into the toilet.

Renee was startled. "Is he alright?"

"I hear that the stomach flu is going around. Maybe he's got it."Edward tried to conceal his grin as he answered Renee.

Bella giggled, then excused herself. After getting rid of her meal, too, she went back into the dining room with a smug grin on her face. Jasper had also returned, Renee giving him a wide berth now.-

ShieldYou1987 – Fork it over.

ConfederateSoldierTX – Please, no food analogies.

-Jasper slipped Bella the $400 under the table quietly.-

ShieldYou1987 – Thank you! Looks like your Jazzykins has a weak stomach, Alice.

ShopaholicGucciLuvr – Shut. Up. Don't bother me, I'm preparing for tomorrow, where I will be forcing you to spend that $400.

ShieldYou1987 – Excuse me while I make random plans to get out of shopping tomorrow.

ShieldYou1987 has logged off.

-Nessie walked into the dining room and sat on her father's lap, even though physically she was about 14 years old. She secretly pulled out her phone and joined the virtual conversation.-

Halfling2007 – You should see the pack eat a Thanksgiving dinner. They're just wolfing it all down as fast as they can!!!

ILOVEGRIZZLIES – Hee hee. You said wolfing.

Halfling2007 – Not funny, Uncle Emmett.


End file.
